he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
