oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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