Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
