So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
