I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
