A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
