I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
