Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
