Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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