is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He felt like a one man threesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize