took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
