YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
