dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
