drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
