I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
