That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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