dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
