Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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