he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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