dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
