Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize