im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
