Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
