I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
