You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
