I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
