I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
