Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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