i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
