wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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