my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex on a dog bed..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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