Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
