I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize