At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
