i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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