i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
