God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
