i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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