Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
