id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
