I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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