Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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