I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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