You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
