The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
