Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
