May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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