weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The police scanner is talking about you again....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
