dude i'm inner monologue high
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All I want is dick and wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
