nut hugger
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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