If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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