Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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