my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
