Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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