I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
