My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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