Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize