fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
