He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
