He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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