i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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