No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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