FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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