How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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