Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
