Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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