then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
