HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i came on her dog
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This baby is an asshole
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
