she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
