Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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