Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize