I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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