I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know her cup size but not her name....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
