dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize