non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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