It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
