He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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