So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
