my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
