u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
