Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
