we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
