Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
