I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
