i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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