Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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