It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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