kristin has been a bad kristin
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
