he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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